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Michael
Bay's live action Transformers movie is a Saturday morning cartoon. Pay
no attention to the actors, the running time, or anything else which might
imply you're actually watching a film. It is an illusion. A mirage. A
carefully constructed disguise to turn Transformers into something that
can be parked in a movie theater rather than a television screen.
To Bay's credit, however, this may be the BEST Saturday morning cartoon
you will ever see.
Sure, the plot is lacking, the characters are simple, and the design's
uneven... but such metrics have no place here. This isn't a well-written
dark science-fiction film. It's a cartoon. And cartoons require a subtler
approach to gauge their quality.
Cartoons are meant to sell toys. So, after watching Transformers, I asked
myself, "Do I want the toys?"
Oh, yes. Sadly, having just handed over more than twenty bucks for a pair
of movie tickets (can you believe I convinced my girlfriend to see this
with me?), the spirit was willing while the wallet was empty. But I felt
the hunger. The hunger to own robots that twist and pop into cars. A hunger
I have not felt since I was ten.
I want those toys. And so will you.
You see, about once a year a movie is released that returns to us the
wonder of being a child again. This is not that movie. This movie reignites
a petty greed in our hearts, a desire for things we do not need and will
probably break. Avarice is the true defining quality of youth, anyway:
wonder and innocence are both overrated. Such a pure, primal introduction
to capitalism can only be delivered from the soft glow that emanates from
a cartoon.
And what a cartoon this is. Perhaps the greatest cartoon ever made.
But not the greatest Transformers movie ever made. That honor is held
by the 1986 animated film. But then, that wasn't really a cartoon at all:
it was a well-written dark science-fiction film. Never mind the painted
backgrounds and 80's music. Disguises, disguises.
But comparisons between the two are apples and oranges, Autobots and Predacons.
This might not be a tenth as brilliant as the animated movie, but the
experience alone is worth the price of admission. With today's ticket
prices, few movies are. [B]
ERIN SYNDER
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