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Well,
look what I have here. A gift. From heaven.
A Digital Video Disc called CANNIBAL FEROX, Umberto Lenzi's horror classic.
According to the cover, it promises SHOCKING and VIOLENT subject matter.
It also tells me it is BANNED in 31 countries, but luckily not in this
one. I apologize if you live in one of the 31 countries. Clearly, your
government is uptight. They do not appreciate art. Nor do they appreciate
CANNIBALS. They are assholes. They must be French. I bet they do it with
the lights off. And when I say do it, I mean take the trousersteak and
fuckslam the juicy meathatch until it cries, stop Daddy, it hurts.
If I am to trust the picture on the box, I am promised HOT SLUTS with
HUGE TITS. Top restaurant quality ample ripe firm supple creamy tantalizing
bountiful sweater hams with sumptuous nipples the size of silver dollars,
barely covered by a blood-stained gossamer. Look how fuck-hungry this
one is. Her back is arched, her eyes are closed, lips slightly parted.
She is enjoying this sexing act. Look she is tied up. What will she do?
She will have to sit back and enjoy it. The raping. Life has handed her
lemons it appears, and now she is making lemonade. But she should be ashamed
of herself, running around without any panties, driving the CANNIBALS
and their savage, unmannered clam hammers senseless with lust, driven
to the point of MURDER and in addition CANNIBALISM. Oh the shame! Inexplicably
one of the EXQUISITE COCK THIRSTY SKANKS is wearing Uggs. But she has
been SLAIN, if not CANNIBALIZED, possibly for wearing them. Attention:
if you wear Uggs your legs will look like pigs in a blanket.
Also I am promised what appears to be a native black man with a loincloth
and a big blade, stained with what appears to be blood. Could this be
blood from a VAGINA? Could he be a CANNIBAL? So many questions. Certainly
since he is black, he'd put the BALL in CANNIBALL. Ha ha, that is clever
joke. A+ for me.
Aren't we all guilty of cannibalism? Don't we all enjoy eating pussy?
Something to chew on. Ha ha ha another clever joke!
One question remains, who could be such a twisted, mindfucked of a peach
to send this to me?
Who?
Who?
Look here, I am an owl.
Nobody knows. It is a mystery to be sure. I have my suspicions. Sometimes
after I get heavy with the refreshing adult beverages, I come home and
buy things on Ebay. And then they show up and it is like a gift to myself
from myself. I am my own secret admirer. Later I will cook myself a nice
dinner and I will put out. Because I like a good time. I am quite an animal
in the sack.
According to the invoice, it says that the order for ZOMBIE HOLOCAUST
was canceled. This makes me sad, though I am not sure whether the zombies
are supposed to be the Nazis or the Jews. I feel that zombies are neither,
better than Nazis and Jews, above bullshit games, though like Jews, ZOMBIES
do have dietary restrictions. But whatever. The only hairs that should
be split here are the ones around your fuckgash.
The point is this. CANNIBAL FEROX. Who is ready? I don't think I am, I
will have to rip off my vagina and sew on some balls. Quick, someone hand
me some weed. It's time to get nice and heavy.[B]
STEREOLABRAT
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